The spirits in control of the Ouija Board do not discriminate between those actively participating in the seance and other people in the house. That’s why it’s totally selfish to use the Ouija when other people are at home. Everyone will face the full on assault from the other side. Even your parents if they are upstairs sleeping in bed.

If you’re ever put in the situation where you’re asked to watch over a ouija board session, immediately refuse the task and defecate freely on the ouija in Jesus’s name.

If the host tries to throw you out of their house for trying to ruin their ‘fun’, then be sure to take a leak on their front lawn as well.

Trust me, you’ll be doing God’s work for Him!

Please understand this, evil spirits flock around the ouija board like flies around shit. Users of the board deceive themselves into believing that it’s possible to ward them off by placing silver coins on the board, only conducting seances with an odd number of people and even dousing the board in bleach before using it.

These people don’t want to accept that the board is a constant source of evil, nothing you can do can make it anything else than it is. If you think the Ouija is helping you in life, then you’ve been deceived. Perhaps the spirits controlling the board have helped you find a lost piece of jewelry or provided a helpful bit of advice about your life, but please be warned that it will only go downhill from there.

Once the spirits have a stranglehold in your life, then they won’t let go until you’re dead.

As a true believer in God, you should dispose of the Ouija Board in the most dramatic manner possible. I suggest taking it outside, urinating on it before setting it on fire. Once the board is well and truly lit, throw it into your neighbours garden to ensure that any demons inside the board are cast far away from your property.

Alternatively, you may wish to leave the board in the sink with a stream of hot water running on top of it. Once it is sufficiently wet, please feel free to use it as toilet paper and flush it to Kingdom Come once you’re finished with it.